Dish Network’s Stephen King Movies Promotion Is So Fun It’s Scary

It's shaping up to be a very lucrative year for Stephen King, as “It: Chapter Two” is terrorizing other movies’ chances of reigning supreme at the box office and “Doctor Sleep” figures to do the same come November. To celebrate the esteemed author’s cinematic output, Dish Network is overseeing a movies promotion that will reward a lucky fan with $1,300 if that person watches 13 film adaptations of King’s work by Halloween. And, of course, there will be swag.

Here's How To Make $1,300 Binge-Watching Stephen King Movies https://t.co/UNxNd26iR8 #OffInLaLaLand #ThisIsFunner

— OffInLaLaLand (@OffInLaLaLand1) September 18, 2019

Since the 1974 publication of “Carrie,” King has kept many fans from enjoying quality sleep, as his creations aim to unease and offer pulse-pounding action. To commend his legacy of scaring people silly, Dish Network is accepting applications through October 15, endowing the winner with the aforementioned cash and “Stephen King paraphernalia” for that individual’s impending dates with doom.

Dish Network’s explanation of the promotion is impressive with respect to what the fortunate soul will have to do to walk away with the dough. We are particularly fond of its mention of playing fetch with Cujo and taking Christine for a spin, as who doesn’t love creative references to favorite authors? Fandom aside, the text explains that the winner of the contest will not only have to be a buff who promises to watch all 13 films, but also someone with enough attention to detail to chronicle their experiences. Given the lineup, which includes “The Shining” and “Misery,” we are sure that whoever emerges victorious will make great use of the blanket, candy, flashlight and popcorn Dish Network will provide.

While the company’s release on the promotion is admirable, it left us wanting to know what the "paraphernalia" will be. Since King's novels and movies abound in tension, it seems we will have to remain in suspense, as Dish has provided no breakdown of what the winner can expect. That could be due to uncertainty on Dish’s part as to what the provider will send, but whatever the reason, we feel inclined to speculate on which promotional products will be included, and if these seem outlandish, remember that we’re talking here about Stephen King, a man who gives the cold shoulder to convention.

We could easily see the contest winner receiving some branded dog biscuits with King’s face on them for that special, insane pooch in his or her life. Or maybe customized corn holders for “Children of the Corn” aficionados, sunglasses to protect against any occurrences of uncontrollable mist, or a pedometer for anyone who is looking to become “Thinner.” Or how about a branded stake to ward off any vampires who might wander out of “Salem’s Lot”? The only way for us to know is to submit our application, which we are going to do right now in the hope that branded balloons will be the “It” item in the movie promotion.