Fourth of July Products
The best holidays are the ones that involve as many explosives as possible. Think about it. New Year's? Awesome, and involves a ton of fireworks. Groundhog Day? Totally lame, and involves no fireworks.
The king of all the exploding holidays, of course, is the Fourth of July. Sure, it has other things that make it fun, like food, pageantry and not having to be at work, but come on, it's the boom that makes it the best. With that in mind, if you're looking to add a little pow, boom or even ka-blam to your promotions on the Fourth, check out these items, sure to make your event as memorable as a rocket's red glare.
10| The Sonic Groove cooler from Gemline. Forget that it has a 20 can capacity, is battery-powered and that it's compatible with CD or MP3 players. It's called the "Sonic Groove" cooler. This is the best name in the history of products. Ever.
9| "If you're a redcoat, you're a jerk" T-shirts. Just be sure to keep end-users out of places with particularly sensitive British Colonial re-enactors. There's nothing worse than a weeping historical performer.
8| The 7" Eagle from Artistic Toy Manufacturing. It's cute AND intimidating.
7| Founding father masks. Because the only way to make tying empty beer cans to bottle rockets more fun is to pretend you're George Washington or Ben Franklin while doing so.
6| Hamburger cannon. Like a T-shirt launcher, but fires pre-cooked, fully assembled and wrapped hamburgers.
5| Suntan lotion, because nothing should be burning on the Fourth, be it burgers or the back of necks.
4| Fourth of July law states that any person in front of a grill must be wearing an apron. (Look it up. It's right next to the "All Fourth of July salads must contain mayonnaise" rule.) Try the Full-Color Nonwoven Aprons from AAkron Rule to keep your end-users' events compliant with all holiday regulations.
3| Mock "Declarations of Rad-ipendence" flyers, which provide a detailed breakdown of why it's an inalienable right to write things in the air with sparklers or see how much potato salad you can eat in a hour.
2| Football that plays ESPN catch phrases like "Boom goes the dynamite!" and "Dropped like a sack of door knobs!" on impact.
1| A 60" plasma TV. Why? Because with 3-D features, end-users will be able to watch big-city fireworks displays as if they're actually there. They will even be able to channel surf between them, making it seem like they have incredible teleportation and time travel powers. What could possibly be better than a product that distorts the physical laws of reality?*
*The correct answer is "nothing."