Presidents Day Promotions
7) Facing a tough choice? No problem—slap a Senate logo on flip-flops from Neet Feet and never worry about having to stick with a decision again. Available in red and blue, naturally. Arlen Specter has a pair in each color.
6) Binoculars and a map of Russia.
5) On the subject of global awareness, an atlas of Earth so our political leaders can see that America is not the center of the world. (That would be Brangelina.)
4) Lip balm and hand sanitizer, because kissing babies and glad-handing can expose one to any number of contagious diseases. And it's not like the government is going to take care of your health.
3) For the president who has everything, a mahogany humidor is the perfect gift. Handsome, practical and far less scandalous than letting an intern hold your cigar.
2) With USA Today reporting 48 million viewers for the State of the Union address, just sell some advertising space on the front of the president's podium and—voilà—recession's over.
1) The Jorg Gray 6500 Chronograph watch worn by President Obama and exclusive to Secret Service employees. While you can buy the same model as the government-issue version, you can't talk into it like a James Bond-style secret agent watch phone ... or can you?