Greetings Loyal Readers,
I've recently started work on Promo Marketing's Top 50 Distributors List, which is amazing and wonderful if for nothing else than the fact that I'm getting paid to make a list. The Top 50, much like the masthead of our magazine, is arranged by income level, ability to wreck house at shuffle board, and whether I can get ahold of your information or not.
(In all seriousness, if you think the Top 50 is something you should be a part of, please feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at (215) 238-5449, and I'll send you the entry form on the ASAP. I'm hypothesizing that the bottom limit for entry is going to be somewhere around 15 million, but I don't have enough submissions in to tell if that's going to be closer to 20 or 10.)
I think my favorite part of the list (besides the monetary compensation), is that I actually get to ask the top 10 around four questions (mostly) of my choosing. It's pretty exciting to have access to some of the most influential and intelligent people in our industry, but I'll be honest, still being in the throes of my April stories, I haven't had a chance to come up with up good questions yet. I suppose now is as good a time as any though, so in the spirit of creative exercise, I thought maybe you all would want to join me for a little reverse brainstorming and see some questions that I definitely won't be asking (sometimes it's best to employ process of elimination, after all):
• What is your favorite recession-themed drink? The Bernanke, which is just some old dishwater with creepy fuzz lining the bottom of the glass? Or maybe the Greenspan, a martini made with top-shelf vodka that is dangerously strong and too expensive, but you just can't resist how good it tastes?
• If you could have any job in the world besides a multi-million dollar distributor, what would you be? I'm looking for answers like pro surfer or vintner here, and not multi-billion dollar distributor, smart alecks.
• Do you ever feel like the term "promotional product distributor" isn't at all descriptive enough for what you do? What would you title yourself instead? My best idea so far is "Grand Marketing Sorcerer," but that's a little weird and might cause people to think you're way too into Lord of the Rings, which is okay in and of itself, but maybe not the best way to convey business aptitude to your customers.
• A train is leaving Tulsa towards Phoenix at 65 mph. Another train is heading in the opposite direction at 73 mph. There is a guy on that train that is a little drunk and making a racket. Your girlfriend is getting annoyed and wants you to do something. When do the two trains cross?
How's that for some pearls of wisdom? I know, it's a wonder Barbara Walters has a job anymore, what with this journalist asking all the tough questions.
Until next week,
TEASER FOR NEXT WEEK: Um, let's see. I might do some more with the top 50, but I also might have some interesting extras to share from my April interviews. But I'm thinking too that I might want to write something unrelated to work events and tie it in to promotional products, that might be fun (for me anyway. God help the people that are reading this).
CHARLES PLYTER FACT OF THE WEEK: Charlie and I agree that sea otters are the best animals at the zoo. This is a statement of fact, and not opinion. You can try and make an argument, but you'll just be wrong. Unless you choose "river otters," then I think we have a debate on our hands.