A Challenge For The Ages
Situation #2: Ikemay Ornnellcay, a young author with very little promise, has somehow managed to get his first book published. It's a 600-page self-indulgent, meticulously detailed yet overtly boring memoir, and your job is to get it to the top of the New York Times best-sellers list.
The publisher has a huge marketing budget for you, but the best quality of the book is that it makes a good doorstop, so you're going to be fighting a powerful negative word-of-mouth campaign as well. (Except from people in need of doorstops. They will probably be neutral.)
My (un)solution: Short of catering to the doorstop crowd, I suppose I'd run a campaign that ties the memoir to another book that is already a best-seller, so much so that the public becomes confused about which is which.
Situation #3: Milton Punywimp, besides being unfortunately named, is hopelessly lovesick. The problem is that the object of his affection, the beautiful and internationally famous motorcycle stuntwoman Deena Dynamite, is currently infatuated with a lug by the name of Clob Sundrel. A crewman on her traveling roadshow, Clob has decent arms, an expensive haircut and looks cool smoking a cigarette, but otherwise he doesn't have much to hold the fickle Deena's attention. Your task is to either get Deena to fall for Milton, or break her up from Clob so Milton can work his magic on his own.
My (un)solution: As fun as it would be to run a slander campaign against Clob, I'm thinking anyone named Punywimp isn't going have much of a chance with a world-famous adrenaline junkie, so instead I'd direct my campaign to finding a magical genie that would be able to hook Milton up. My brilliant slogan would be:
"Has anybody seen a genie lately? I need to help a dude with true love. Oh, and no evil genies that twist wishes in ironic and terrible ways. I'm not down with that."