Incan Pictographs and Telephones
ME: Hljsdhfkls! Huh-hljsdhfkls!
OPERATOR: Hljsdhfkls? Are you that creep who's always going through our trash? I'm sure you're aware the restraining order applies to phone conversations as well. (Click).
Conversation style #2: The No-plan Meander
OPERATOR: Hello, this is Karen McReceptionist, how can I help you?
ME: ... Oh, uh, sorry. I got distracted by your hold music. Was that a Muzak version of Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill?"
OPERATOR: It was Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." With lyrics. Which sounds very little like anything by Peter Gabriel. Is there something I can help you with?
ME: Uh ... oh, yeah. See, I'm with Promo Marketing, uh, I'm an editor there? I'm working on this thing, this article thing, and I need to talk to I don't know who with you all. Do you know who I could talk to?
ME: It's like, it's about computers. Wait, what month is this? I think it might actually be about golf balls? No, yesterday was Thursday, right? Hold on, let me check my notes ... you sure that wasn't Peter Gabriel? I think I know that song pretty well. It has that "dun dun dun" part, you know that part? It's like "Dun dun dun," and you always think he's singing about strawberry fields, but it's actually Solsbury Hill?
OPERATOR: (Spoken with a still rage) Let me transfer you to someone who can help you (hangs up).
Conversation style #3: The Rehearsal
ME: Good morrow Mr. or Ms. phone attendant. I am making a formal inquiry as to whom I should request a tele-interview with at your production establishment. T'would not last more than a quarter-odd hour, as I have but minor questioning in regards to the manufacture and recommended usage of your promotional dining silver. Specifically in relation to the carving of fine and semi-fine meats, as well as meals that are similar to brunches in conceptualization?